It Don't Jive, Bro

I'm standing in the checkout line with my typical collection of Aldi selections, ready to complete a typical purchase with my typical debit card and then make the typical commute back to the office. But then something atypical grabs my retinas and begs for the attention of my mind and stomach: An attractively wrapped little morsel in a red, blue, and yellow wrapper labeled $0.29. It's a Jive candy bar, and its sole purpose for existence is to convince cheapskates like me that there truly are viable and cheaper alternatives to the classic, beloved line of milk chocolate, cookie and caramel goodness commonly known as Twix. I give in. My lust forces me to grab that generic 29-cent package of happiness and throw it onto the checkout belt next to the half gallon of 2% milk. Only a few minutes later I'm able to indulge in the sweet...chewy...stale cookie....dry....unnaturally thick caramel....waxy chocolate....wait a second! This is not pleasant! My taste buds were prepared for a treat that supposedly rivaled one of Mars' best creations, and I instead found utter disappointment. Maybe I got a lemon. Maybe this is not a typical Jive experience. Maybe I'm the one-in-a-million statistic that got a dud store brand bar. ...But probably not. And I probably won't be giving Jive a second chance. In the same way, I urge you to  refrain from indulging in one of Aldi's few real letdowns. Leave the important food--like chocolate--up to Mars.

Now you get 4.6 EXHORBITANT Rolls!

I consider myself OK at math, and I consider myself a pretty seasoned household supply shopper. Therefore, running into a store to grab some paper towels or toilet paper should be no big deal. I want to believe that I have sufficient mental capacity to make an educated purchase efficiently. But seriously, the current TP and paper towel packaging/marketing is blowing my mind. 12 BIG rolls = 24 regular rolls? 6 JUMBO rolls = 15 regular rolls? "Big" may or may not mean "double". "Large" usually means "big", but not always. What defines the baseline "regular" roll, anyway? Is a regular roll comprised of 170 2-ply sheets? And then there's good ol' Scott, boasting their 1000 sheet roll. Does a regular roll even exist anymore?
Maybe I'm alone in my suffering, but I think this is pure madness. I propose that the packaging simply specifies  ply (1 or 2?) and squares/sheets per roll. That's all I want: "Apples to apples" instead of "Jumbo oranges to regular pears".

Peppermint Candy Pie

Peppermint Candy Pie: I took hold of this innocent little morsel a few nights ago....on a whim in an Aldi aisle....and she downright smacked me across the head (and stomach) with a festival of flavor. Recommended.

So...

So one day Ginger and I grabbed a can of sardines from Aldi. I'd never had sardines before. Before cracking open our tin-wrapped goodness in the office environment, certain coworkers warned about a potent odor that might originate from the package. Not wanting to offend, we took our sardines outside and sat on the tailgate of my pickup in the parking lot, slapping the shiny blobs onto toast (or was it crackers...?) and enjoying...or at least experiencing. That is one of the many lunch hour shenanigans to be documented in this blog....