It Don't Jive, Bro

I'm standing in the checkout line with my typical collection of Aldi selections, ready to complete a typical purchase with my typical debit card and then make the typical commute back to the office. But then something atypical grabs my retinas and begs for the attention of my mind and stomach: An attractively wrapped little morsel in a red, blue, and yellow wrapper labeled $0.29. It's a Jive candy bar, and its sole purpose for existence is to convince cheapskates like me that there truly are viable and cheaper alternatives to the classic, beloved line of milk chocolate, cookie and caramel goodness commonly known as Twix. I give in. My lust forces me to grab that generic 29-cent package of happiness and throw it onto the checkout belt next to the half gallon of 2% milk. Only a few minutes later I'm able to indulge in the sweet...chewy...stale cookie....dry....unnaturally thick caramel....waxy chocolate....wait a second! This is not pleasant! My taste buds were prepared for a treat that supposedly rivaled one of Mars' best creations, and I instead found utter disappointment. Maybe I got a lemon. Maybe this is not a typical Jive experience. Maybe I'm the one-in-a-million statistic that got a dud store brand bar. ...But probably not. And I probably won't be giving Jive a second chance. In the same way, I urge you to  refrain from indulging in one of Aldi's few real letdowns. Leave the important food--like chocolate--up to Mars.